they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
