and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
