oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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