we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
God, I missed his penis.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
