if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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