I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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