I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
