Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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