So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We have so much sex to catch up on
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
