Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
