I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
