Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
