The maid of honor just puked.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
