Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
