I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
