i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
