Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
