ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
