I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
