So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
