My boss' voice literally gives me gas
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
