If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
