i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize