im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
