Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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