In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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