every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
