explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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