I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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