The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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