The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
