Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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