Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
