the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Can you bring me the toilet please
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize