My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
