Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
