i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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