if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
