watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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