You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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