My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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