I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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