You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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