it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
