my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
