How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
