Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
