Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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