It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize