One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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