she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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