He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
