ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
