and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
