Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize