some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
