So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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