last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
