she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
