I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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