I can't watch pbs sober anymore
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
