well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I got inside last night via doggy door
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
