grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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