maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
