well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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