The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Randomize
