dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
