you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
