they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
