Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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