i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
