FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize